Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
my shit smells like andre
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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