I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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