No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
