Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
