All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize