she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
