Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
