Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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