her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
