So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
