I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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