my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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