only if we run a train.
done.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
