you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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