if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
