i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
