Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
