he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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