Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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