I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
