why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
