I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
