new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Randomize
