Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
