i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
