Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
