I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize