Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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