What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
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