I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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