we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
