Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
