Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
