At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
