roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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