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You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
