remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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