she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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