If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
