I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
