The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
