Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
