whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize