I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
