So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
This house was built for laser tag.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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