Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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