yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
