if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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