Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
