toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
