last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
