So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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