I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
