Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
