Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
