Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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