you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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