I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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