dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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