So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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