Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
