I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
