also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
