i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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