PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
