Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
