His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
