It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
