I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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