right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
