Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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