This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
