Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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