I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
