i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
