i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
