Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
