When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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