he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize