Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
