What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
