Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
