awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
