there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
