Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
