I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
