you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
