foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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