I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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