she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
