You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
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