nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
