i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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