After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
