it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I need to align my fucking chakras
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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