You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
