i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
