no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
