remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
