Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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