Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize