Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
