The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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