Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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