I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm at about main and main street
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
