i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
