she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
