I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
