why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
